OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
