If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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