Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a search helicopter?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
