I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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