My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
