if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
NoShamevember. You game?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
