luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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