don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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