Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
