you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When are your genitals available?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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