you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
