I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone shattered a urinal.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
