why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize