i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
