Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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