yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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