Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
