tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
