this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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