So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize