Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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