i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
