I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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