I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Shame - the story of my life.
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