why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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