My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
