I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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