I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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