apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize