can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
