i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
