Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
