I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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