We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
