my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
