A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
