Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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