I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
