She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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