end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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