On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
