Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
