What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
