nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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