Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
why is half of my head shaved?
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