i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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