your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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