I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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