I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were trust falling into bushes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
