I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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