My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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