I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
