I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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