Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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