how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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