And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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