So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
