and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
