My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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