Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
