Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
